Struggling with Anxiety

More now than ever so many people are struggling with anxiety. I believe people have always had it; but it wasnt acceptable to discuss in public. Luckily, in today's society it is becoming more acceptable and we are becoming more honest about our mental health.

Most of my life I’ve struggled with anxiety but never knew there was an actual term for it. Anxiety wasn't something I became aware of until years later. When I was younger, anxiety "to me" was always being scared when I did something new.

My nerves would be so horrible in new situations and I hated doing anything alone. As I got older, I started understanding more, but honestly it wasn’t until I was in my 30’s that I really understood how my anxiety came out.

I am now on anxiety medicine, and have been for about 8 years. When I got on my anxiety medicine, I still didn't really understand what anxiety was or that I even had it.

Most of my friend’s anxiety comes out as worrying and/or being nervous.

Mine is NEVER that.

It could be my medicine but I’m not so sure. My anxiety comes out as very severe anger. Mainly in stressful situations.

Over the years I have connected the dots somewhat, I know these stressful situations are a trigger for me and that it is related to something that happened to me as a child. I will fly off the handle at any given moment. Unfortunately, this mainly happens with the people I love the most. I try so hard to control it, but I’m also still learning about my triggers. It is still SO hard to calm myself down in these situations.

I have also noticed that loud noises, or something like a lot of people talking at once, or just a lot of activity going on around me at once really triggers me. Its really weird to me and I hope that I can one day connect it all.

Unfortunately, it is very hard for me to connect anything to my childhood because I barely remember any of it.

Of course having anxiety, and letting it out in front of my daughter worries me that I’m “ruining” her. I don’t want her to struggle with this, sometimes I see a little glimmer of it, but I hope by continuing to educate myself about it, I can help her in the future if she does end up having some form of anxiety.

I’m still learning everyday about anxiety in general and mine specifically and how it all connects to my past and how it makes me who I am today.

I’m so thankful that this is such a very present topic in many households today.

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